OK, take a step back... how about what the actual diagnosis is?

I started writing a post based on my reading Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome", and I realized that maybe it would be worthwhile to jump back to chapter 2 before I start writing about where I'm at with chapter 3 (the friends/social interaction thing). Chapter 2 is all about the diagnosis and the criteria used to determine if one has Asperger's Syndrome or not. I know there were a good number of things that were rather fuzzy at first, but one I understood what these things were getting at, it became more clear that this has been more pervasive in my life than I had realized.

OK, so first off... the official criteria (bolded text), and where I think I fit the description (bullet points). The following is from Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (aka DSM IV):

The feeling of being somewhat "homeless", or so I thought.

So I'm writing this a bit after the fact, but I had some interesting moments when I took a trip back to Savannah in October. I definitely had some moments where I was thrust into some awkward situations with people that I had never really experienced before, as things had generally flowed pretty smoothly (that or I was just unaware of it). My group of friends had splintered up a bit, not in a bad way (I don't think) but by seemingly normal life changes that I had not been a witness to the previous 7 months since I had moved away. I found myself in what felt like a tug of war between friends I wanted to hang out with who weren't all hanging out together that much, not like we used to anyway, and found myself not exactly sure of my standing with a lot of these people, like I wasn't exactly welcome anymore.

Songless

Every now and then I run across a song that has some lyrics that really hit home. I'm diggin through some old music and came across this one:





Its not really that old, but it does tend to sum up how I feel sometimes about having ideas or things I want to say, but I can't quite get the thoughts together on what it is I want to say - so often I tend to just not say anything at all. I feel like I have so much more to say on here than I've posted thus far, but the just have "no soul" thus far.

I don’t talk
I don’t think
I don’t walk
I don’t leave
But I don’t stay
Don't always wanna make the same mistake

I can’t stop
I can’t go
I can’t relax
Can’t be alone
And when I listen to the music
I don't know I just confuse it
I get turned around

And I’m runnin’
And I’m runnin’

I can sound all the words in my head
But they got no soul
What I’m tryin to say`s getting stuck 
But I get so close
And I’m out of time to let you know
I'm songless