Sunday, January 22, 2012

About that string of bad first dates...

So my last post from forever ago was me... well, complaining (no getting around that fact.) I'd had a ton of first dates and a couple seconds, but nothing went anywhere. I was probably hoping for something more, and that led to disappointment which led to me being in a bad mood. Oops. Anyway, after letting my subscription run out on this online dating site I was on, I took a month or two off before giving it another shot in October. I sent out a handful of emails and had some fun back and forth exchanges with a few women (none of them went anywhere), but little did I know that the very first email I sent was one that has (so far) led to a pretty interesting couple of months of dating her (for anonymity's sake, lets call her Mary.)

In the world of 12-step programs, there is a saying that "if you want to know what your defects are, start dating someone." I think the same can be said of AS with dating or even just simple friendships. As much as I was feeling confused about my diagnosis last year, it is starting to sink in to me that it is the correct diagnosis, and that I am incredibly lucky to be so far on the high functioning end of the spectrum. That said, my ability to connect with people is still something I have a problem with like anyone else with AS. I get a little more wiggle room, I think, because I'm able to hide it well (as exhausting as it is to do) and possibly because I am an attractive person (not being cocky, just going with human nature being what it is.) Whatever the case may be, I have been finding out that I definitely still have some struggles with reading social interactions and having an intuitive sense of where I stand with people. The good news is that I am sooooooo much better than I ever was, so I've made progress. :)

Anyway, Mary is stunningly gorgeous and is a wonderful caring person with a lot going on between her ears and in her life. It's still early yet, but I think we share a lot of similar traits and interests, but most importantly we communicate very well. I've had some moments of opening up about how I feel about things with her, and had a fight about things that I'm sure would have ended not so well had I not been very forthcoming about how I feel and not been afraid of those feelings. I did come close, but ultimately didn't disclose anything about my AS with her, as I don't want to make excuses for things. It is part of who I am and I have to deal with that, and I will not take the easy road out and blame AS for why I did X, Y, and Z.

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