Now I have something in my eye...

So I decided to bounce my idea of tossing it out there on Facebook off a group of people on a message board of one of my intense interests. I had "outed" my Asperger's on there sometime last fall during a rough stretch in a post about some political happenings at the time, IIRC.

So I posed the question, asking if this is a potentially really bad idea, or maybe a good one considering it is Autism Awareness month. I got a LOT of really cool supportive responses over the last 24 hours, and then I got this:

I admire your openness about this.  You are not afraid to stand up and ask this question and that kicks major ass.  Some people on here will jump down your throat on the questions you ask on the [politics] board or on other topics but you've got the balls to ask questions.  Good for you.  You are very willing to allow yourself to be challenged regardless of the topic or what spears and barbs are chucked your way. [note: I get *a lot* of shit for my political and economic views]  This might be a product of what you are dealing with but no matter how ridiculous those questions are keep educating yourself.  It does this board a good service to have someone who is not afraid to ask questions.  You're comfortable enough asking those question on a (semi) anonymous internet site.  You are facing this head on.  That is simply outstanding.  You're not hiding from it, you're not throwing yourself a pity party, you've accepted this and are not making excuses.

It does come down to personal comfort and it's going to scare the shit out of you....but just remember, this isn't something that is unique to you and only you.  Sharing your story, when you are comfortable, is going to resonate with others.  Standing up and embracing your challenges could open the door for others to develop a positive outlook like you have.  You've been given a great opportunity to assist others and I think it goes without saying that you have created a greater awareness on this site by sharing your story so you've already made a positive impact.  It does ultimately come down to what you are comfortable sharing away from the friendly confines of [web site name].  Remember that you have found a support network here to bounce things off of if the waters get a little choppy. 

Wow. I definitely don't have a clue how I impact other people, as this wasn't what I expected... at all. This definitely made my day and gives me hope that there is something very positive that I can do for others with what I've gone through. That's a feeling (usefulness) that I've been lacking for quite a while now. I'm hoping that combining that feeling with the sense of purpose in life that I found last fall is going to make my life real interesting in the coming years. :-)

Dieting (NOT confirming the anti-gluten theory)

So after Thanksgiving I decided to get back on the diet trail once again. I have a love/hate relationship with food, I fucking LOVE to eat it, and I HATE how I feel afterwards (especially with some of my favorite foods). Sugary foods are definitely my achilles heel (like many), but grains tend to produce a very similar effect in me: the feeling of craving and a wild fluctuation of blood sugar that inevitably leads to a crash, feeling tired, and then feeling hungry all over again not too long after eating (within an hour or two). I don't know if it has anything to do with the gluten breads, cereals, and certain chips & crackers, and I don't know if there is any legitimacy to the claim that cutting out gluten can help mitigate problems seen with Aspergers, but I do know that since going on a low carb (not exactly Atkins, but close), I feel like a new person.

Why I am here. Why am I here? Why are you here?

So I'm going somewhat against the grain of some advice I was given from someone close to me about "shouting out to the world" the fact that I was recently diagnosed with a high-functioning form of autism called Aspergers Syndrome, that it would be a bad idea to put this information out there on my Facebook page. Maybe that's true and maybe I might still do that at some point, but for now? I need to start anonymously mashing the keyboard in hopes that some of things I'm going through can be of use to someone else trying to find out if they have this ability/disability too. God knows I could have used more personal experiences about what it's like to have this when I first discovered some info about Aspergers over 10 years ago...

"What the fcuk is Aspergers Syndrome" is probably crossing your mind right now, if you don't know what it is. If you have heard of it or know a bit about autism, you might have the "Rain Man" image in your head (like I did). It's OK, there are a ton of stereotypes, misconceptions, and myths about this syndrome out there. I know because they totally mess with my head, and is the reason why I've been secretive about moving halfway across the country to get a professional opinion on whether or not I have this - and once I did, why I've been so quiet about it. This bottling up of what's going on with me is driving me absolutely fugging crazy, but it's not something I really know how to bring up to people in my life, since I don't exactly display what some would say are obvious external characteristics. Autism and Aspergers are on what they call a "spectrum", where the degree of functioning varies and there is a wide range of symptoms.

"But you don't seem autistic." Even people who know a great deal about autism aren't immune to saying this to me, so I have to explain it here how I've been affected by being an "Aspie". I hope that as time goes by, I'll be able to focus more on the positive and creative aspects of having Aspergers, but for now I'll just mention some of the obvious difficulties I'm trying to overcome.