I've got all this stuff running through my head right now that I don't know how to compose a complete blogpost about:
I am not independent, and don't really know how to be. I can't work and do school, as I can't even seem to do school right now. Lack of independence is my #1 downfall right now in dating, not that I even have much hope in dating. I think it might be time to seriously re-evaluate my dreams. I think the dream I've had of getting married and having kids is starting to quickly fade away, since I can't even seem to get past the first few dates.
I have no friends, and spend most of my days talking only my teachers and to the people behind the counter at the coffee shops I frequent. I don't know how to have friends much less be a friend. The only thing I know is that my phone almost never rings. This isn't exactly a new thing, as this has been going on for many years.
It's taken a while to realize that, if I'm not getting past the first date or two, that I need to remember THAT THEY ARE PROBABLY NOT "THE ONE" OR ANYTHING CLOSE TO IT. It's easy to forget that one can go on a ton of dates with a lot of Ms. Wrong's, and that I need to trust the process (and God) that everything will work out exactly how things were meant to be.
ReplyDeleteI look back now at how scared and frustrated I was when I wrote this post, and shake my head at how ahead of myself I had gotten as well as how whiny I was. I certainly was NOT doing enough to reach out to others in order for my phone to ever ring. That (I am now seeing clearly) is something that is working in my life, having been making more of an attempt to reach out to people than I ever have before. Funny how that works.
I almost wanted to delete this post, but I think it serves as a good reminder as to how far I've come and where my head can be if I don't continue to make progress, "stay within myself" (a sports term referring to keeping within your abilities, not doing things you can't do), and keep working on ways to help others via a 12-step program or volunteer my time in the community.