I kinda got lost in the shuffle after the summer session last year, as it was pretty grueling, but I managed to get an A in Trig and an AB in statistics. Little did I know how rough the fall semester would be, attempting to take 15 credits in 4 classes, nor did I realize that the travel between three different campuses was going to make it impossible to do. That led me to having to drop a writing class. Whoops. The good news is that I got an AB in Norwegian (at the University), B in General Chemistry, and an A in psychology.
Long story short, I'm still in good position to be able to transfer from this tech college I am in to the University here. My transfer GPA is good (3.43) and I have a good mix of subjects, so I should stand a pretty good chance of being admitted as a sophomore transfer student. Family history and being an older returning student should help my cause greatly. :D
All I have to do this semester is do well in the 2nd Semester Norwegian class (I can't be admitted until I have 2 semesters of a college level foreign language) and in the writing class I'm in (it's also pretty crucial.) I'm taking Chem 2, but it's not critical how well I do in that class - but I am still pushing myself to do well. :)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
About that string of bad first dates...
So my last post from forever ago was me... well, complaining (no getting around that fact.) I'd had a ton of first dates and a couple seconds, but nothing went anywhere. I was probably hoping for something more, and that led to disappointment which led to me being in a bad mood. Oops. Anyway, after letting my subscription run out on this online dating site I was on, I took a month or two off before giving it another shot in October. I sent out a handful of emails and had some fun back and forth exchanges with a few women (none of them went anywhere), but little did I know that the very first email I sent was one that has (so far) led to a pretty interesting couple of months of dating her (for anonymity's sake, lets call her Mary.)
In the world of 12-step programs, there is a saying that "if you want to know what your defects are, start dating someone." I think the same can be said of AS with dating or even just simple friendships. As much as I was feeling confused about my diagnosis last year, it is starting to sink in to me that it is the correct diagnosis, and that I am incredibly lucky to be so far on the high functioning end of the spectrum. That said, my ability to connect with people is still something I have a problem with like anyone else with AS. I get a little more wiggle room, I think, because I'm able to hide it well (as exhausting as it is to do) and possibly because I am an attractive person (not being cocky, just going with human nature being what it is.) Whatever the case may be, I have been finding out that I definitely still have some struggles with reading social interactions and having an intuitive sense of where I stand with people. The good news is that I am sooooooo much better than I ever was, so I've made progress. :)
In the world of 12-step programs, there is a saying that "if you want to know what your defects are, start dating someone." I think the same can be said of AS with dating or even just simple friendships. As much as I was feeling confused about my diagnosis last year, it is starting to sink in to me that it is the correct diagnosis, and that I am incredibly lucky to be so far on the high functioning end of the spectrum. That said, my ability to connect with people is still something I have a problem with like anyone else with AS. I get a little more wiggle room, I think, because I'm able to hide it well (as exhausting as it is to do) and possibly because I am an attractive person (not being cocky, just going with human nature being what it is.) Whatever the case may be, I have been finding out that I definitely still have some struggles with reading social interactions and having an intuitive sense of where I stand with people. The good news is that I am sooooooo much better than I ever was, so I've made progress. :)
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Stuff running through my head
I've got all this stuff running through my head right now that I don't know how to compose a complete blogpost about:
I am not independent, and don't really know how to be. I can't work and do school, as I can't even seem to do school right now. Lack of independence is my #1 downfall right now in dating, not that I even have much hope in dating. I think it might be time to seriously re-evaluate my dreams. I think the dream I've had of getting married and having kids is starting to quickly fade away, since I can't even seem to get past the first few dates.
I have no friends, and spend most of my days talking only my teachers and to the people behind the counter at the coffee shops I frequent. I don't know how to have friends much less be a friend. The only thing I know is that my phone almost never rings. This isn't exactly a new thing, as this has been going on for many years.
I am not independent, and don't really know how to be. I can't work and do school, as I can't even seem to do school right now. Lack of independence is my #1 downfall right now in dating, not that I even have much hope in dating. I think it might be time to seriously re-evaluate my dreams. I think the dream I've had of getting married and having kids is starting to quickly fade away, since I can't even seem to get past the first few dates.
I have no friends, and spend most of my days talking only my teachers and to the people behind the counter at the coffee shops I frequent. I don't know how to have friends much less be a friend. The only thing I know is that my phone almost never rings. This isn't exactly a new thing, as this has been going on for many years.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Months of denial about AS.
So I've not been writing or posting, as I've spent the better part of the last 5 months in denial about Asperger's, that I don't really have this I've been trying to fool myself into thinking that I can just go about living a normal life, but about all I can really do is act it out in some ways but not really get close to anyone for fear that they'd start asking questions that I don't really know how to answer (or want to answer.)
This all started sometime in May, when I went to my first support group for people with Asperger's. I was the only one who was attending without a parent, which made me feel incredibly fortunate that my outward appearance isn't obviously one of someone who has Asperger's or Autism. I also felt incredibly out of place being there. While I could definitely relate with some of the struggles that were mentioned, as I had those same problems at one point in my life, I've managed to work through the issues with being able to talk to people though the things I've done in participating in a 12-step program. I don't have much of a problem meeting people and getting along (to an extent), but I do have no idea how to maintain friendships, or possibly even not knowing what a friend is supposed to do (or be).
Not thinking so much about the friends issue and how important that might be, I started to get back into the dating world again via some online dating sites. I managed to have a slew of first dates, and a couple second dates, but nothing ever came of it (mostly disinterest on my part.) I did manage to finally semi-randomly meet someone (in a sober state) where I was hanging out one night. Sure, it helped that it was at a 12-step function, but it was still a victory of sorts to recognize that someone might have been checking me and might have been interested. Of course, I was so unsure of whether or not it was happening and unsure of what to do that I didn't do anything but keep dancing to the music that the DJ was playing, but she introduced herself to me. I have no idea what, if anything, I said to her, as it was such a foreign thing to happen to me that I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening (I don't go hitting up 12-step dances in order to meet women.) It should have been perfectly obvious to me that night that I'm not cured of the problems I might have with interacting with people and recognizing what is happening around me.
So that didn't really go too far (and I even told her about my AS, the first time I've done that with someone I was dating), and now we're just friends. However, it's come to my attention that I have absolutely no idea what that means (how to be a friend.) I've been back in Madison for a year and a half now, and I'm realizing that I haven't had much contact with friends back in Savannah. This is exactly what happened to my friends in Madison when I left to move to Savannah. I would call to touch base, but that did not last long, and I pretty much stopped talking to them. Now it's happening in reverse, and now I really don't talk to anybody anymore (except maybe my teachers.) I once thought it counted, but now I'm not sure that the interactions I have on social media sites truly count as keeping in touch.
I've heard that college is supposed to be a time where you'll meet lots of friends, but I don't know how to do that, and haven't even met anyone that I would want to be friends with. I'm pretty much stuck with the circle of friends that there is in the 12-step circle, but I'm pretty sure I've been cast off that island with some of my rebellious views and attitudes of sober life (the main being that I don't want to live in an isolated "recovery bubble", living apart from the rest of the world.) I think I may have just completely lost the point to where this was going.
This all started sometime in May, when I went to my first support group for people with Asperger's. I was the only one who was attending without a parent, which made me feel incredibly fortunate that my outward appearance isn't obviously one of someone who has Asperger's or Autism. I also felt incredibly out of place being there. While I could definitely relate with some of the struggles that were mentioned, as I had those same problems at one point in my life, I've managed to work through the issues with being able to talk to people though the things I've done in participating in a 12-step program. I don't have much of a problem meeting people and getting along (to an extent), but I do have no idea how to maintain friendships, or possibly even not knowing what a friend is supposed to do (or be).
Not thinking so much about the friends issue and how important that might be, I started to get back into the dating world again via some online dating sites. I managed to have a slew of first dates, and a couple second dates, but nothing ever came of it (mostly disinterest on my part.) I did manage to finally semi-randomly meet someone (in a sober state) where I was hanging out one night. Sure, it helped that it was at a 12-step function, but it was still a victory of sorts to recognize that someone might have been checking me and might have been interested. Of course, I was so unsure of whether or not it was happening and unsure of what to do that I didn't do anything but keep dancing to the music that the DJ was playing, but she introduced herself to me. I have no idea what, if anything, I said to her, as it was such a foreign thing to happen to me that I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening (I don't go hitting up 12-step dances in order to meet women.) It should have been perfectly obvious to me that night that I'm not cured of the problems I might have with interacting with people and recognizing what is happening around me.
So that didn't really go too far (and I even told her about my AS, the first time I've done that with someone I was dating), and now we're just friends. However, it's come to my attention that I have absolutely no idea what that means (how to be a friend.) I've been back in Madison for a year and a half now, and I'm realizing that I haven't had much contact with friends back in Savannah. This is exactly what happened to my friends in Madison when I left to move to Savannah. I would call to touch base, but that did not last long, and I pretty much stopped talking to them. Now it's happening in reverse, and now I really don't talk to anybody anymore (except maybe my teachers.) I once thought it counted, but now I'm not sure that the interactions I have on social media sites truly count as keeping in touch.
I've heard that college is supposed to be a time where you'll meet lots of friends, but I don't know how to do that, and haven't even met anyone that I would want to be friends with. I'm pretty much stuck with the circle of friends that there is in the 12-step circle, but I'm pretty sure I've been cast off that island with some of my rebellious views and attitudes of sober life (the main being that I don't want to live in an isolated "recovery bubble", living apart from the rest of the world.) I think I may have just completely lost the point to where this was going.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
I'm not dead, not yet...
Hey all. I somehow managed to find myself taking 7 credits of math this summer (trigonometry and statistics), so that explains why I've been completely AWOL lately. I have a month to catch up on things starting next week.
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